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The Vital Role of Letting Go in Retirement

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The Vital Role of 'Letting Go' in Retirement

Letting Go2

It’s a mistake – or maybe wishful thinking – to think we can just coast our way out of one closing chapter, and straight into retirement with barely a backward glance.

Unfortunately, as we often discover to our cost, it’s rarely that simple! 

There’s a much-underestimated, and vital step that needs to be taken first: letting go of what’s ending.

Retirement, like ANY transition, is a process and that process starts with letting go. It’s where we acknowledge what’s ending, name our losses, and let them go. With gratitude… and probably a few tears!

Easy to say, not so easy to DO! 

But without addressing this part of the process many stay stuck in limbo – unable to go back and unable to move on.

The 'Letting Go' Limbo

Take Laura, for instance. 

As a doctor on the cusp of retirement, Laura willingly postponed her plans when COVID hit. But when I met up with her recently she still hadn’t “made the big decision” to retire and after a bit of gentle digging, it became clear that Laura was stuck in the ‘letting go limbo’ and consequently kept deferring the decision.

There were SO many things she was finding challenging to give up, including her status, expertise, colleagues, and her professional identity, to name a few!

‘Who am I going to be if I’m not a doctor?’ she confided, echoing a common fear of many approaching retirement.

The transitional space between who you were and who you are becoming can without doubt feel like an unsettling limbo, leaving you hesitant and like Laura, prone to procrastination. 

Whilst it FEELS like a limbo, there’s work to be done here!  It’s an important space – a mental, emotional, and physical space – where you release the emotional attachments to the people, places and things that might have served you well in the past, but no longer align with the person you’re becoming. 

Letting Go1

The thing to remember here is that these ‘endings’ aren’t finalities; they’re simply preludes to new beginnings.

So, where are YOU in your 'letting go' journey?

Are you holding on for dear life, like Laura? 

Transitioning between who you were and who you’re becoming is certainly NOT without its challenges!  It involves letting go of roles, routines, and social connections we’ve held onto for years. Whether adjusting to changing family dynamics or facing the physical reminders of time’s passage, it’s only natural to feel a sense of loss. Acknowledging this sadness is not only okay but also an essential and beneficial part of the process.

Here are a few additional tips to help you navigate this transition and embrace the limbo as you step into your new life:

  1. Embrace Stillness: Instead of filling your days with endless tasks and commitments, allow yourself moments of stillness. Take time to reflect, meditate, or simply be present. In this quiet space, you may discover what truly brings you joy and passion.

  2. Embrace the Process: Don’t try to ignore or bypass this stage of transition. It’s a fertile ground for growth and self-discovery. Embrace the uncertainty, knowing that it holds the potential for exciting opportunities to unfold.

  3. Embrace the Possibilities: Don’t forget to also acknowledge and release the things that no longer serve you or have run their course. Turn your attention to the possibilities to be found as a result of letting go. More time? More freedom? More autonomy?

  4. Embrace Forward Momentum: While it’s important to cherish the memories of the past, don’t let them hinder your future. Retirement signifies a new chapter in your life, full of potential and possibility. Keep your focus on the present moment and the opportunities that lie ahead. Your retirement journey is just beginning, and many new adventures await!

  5. Embrace Support: Don’t hesitate to lean on your support network during this transition. Whether it’s friends, family, or a professional coach, having someone to talk to can provide valuable perspective and encouragement. Share your thoughts and feelings with those you trust, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

  6. Embrace Self-Care: Take time to engage in activities that nourish mind, body and soul. Whether it’s practising yoga, going for walks in nature, or indulging in your favourite hobbies, make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of yourself is essential as you embark on this new chapter of your life.

Remember, things change, life changes, and WE change. Staying the same is not on the menu – growth and evolution are! 

And “letting go” is where it all starts. It’s not about who you used to be or what you used to do; it’s about who you are becoming and what excites you now. So, take a deep breath, release your grip on the past, ready to step boldly into your next chapter. 

Retirement is not the end…. it’s just the beginning!

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Your Retirement Jigsaw

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Your Retirement Jigsaw: Is the Picture on the Box Missing?

An unfolding revelation

I’m very partial to metaphors and analogies! I love the way they can shortcut our understanding of concepts and processes. One of my firm favourites that I often use in my retirement coaching is that of the jigsaw puzzle. Retirement, much like a jigsaw, is made up of numerous pieces waiting to interlock before your dreams for the next chapter fully materialise – from the exciting chaos of pieces tumbling out of the box to the rewarding moment when the last piece finally reveals the full picture in all its glory. It’s an unfolding revelation and the satisfaction of completion is undeniable!

Typically, when we first meet, my clients have already made a valiant (but unsuccessful) attempt to assemble their retirement puzzle from a seemingly random mishmash of pieces – even forcing shapes together that clearly don’t fit, out of sheer frustration!  (We’ve all done this, right?) 

The thing is, they’ve bypassed THE most crucial element of all – the picture on the box. 

What's so important about the picture on the box?

face in profile grey

That picture on the box? That’s your vision right there. 

Without a clear vision of what you want your life in retirement to look like you’re fumbling around in the dark. You can’t just dump a thousand puzzle pieces out on the table and expect to put them together unless you know what the picture is supposed to look like.

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and spinning your wheels when it comes to planning your post-retirement life, chances are you haven’t yet pinned down your vision for the next chapter  – the “picture on the box.” 

If you don’t know what you want retirement to look like, you’re likely to end up somewhere you never intended to be, doing things you never wanted to do.

And that’s not exactly a retirement destination of choice!

Piecing it all together

Lacking a clear vision often leads to a reactive approach instead of a proactive one – doing things in a haphazard, ad hoc way rather than with deliberate intention. This can result in less-than-ideal decisions, as you flounder in a sea of choices without a solid plan to anchor you.

So tell me, do you have a crystal-clear vision of what you want your life in retirement to look like? 

Because the last thing you want is to arrive at this exciting new chapter only to find yourself feeling uncertain, disappointed, or stuck.

This is where the jigsaw analogy can help. Just like the systematic approach most of us use in assembling jigsaw puzzles—beginning with corners, straight edges, and grouping colour combinations—this same strategy can help shape your vision.

jigsaw piece
  • The corner pieces

    The corner pieces symbolise your key values—the fundamental core beliefs shaping your decision-making and actions. These values—like adventure, freedom, community, contribution, creativity, making a difference, and personal growth—serve as guiding lights in life. Just as the corners secure the puzzle’s frame, your values anchor your life, shaping your choices, priorities, and overall satisfaction. Remember, our values often evolve as we move through different life stages and when our values and lifestyle drift apart, it creates a sense of disconnection, sparking frustration and discontent. This is why making a conscious effort to identify and realign your key values at the outset is SO important. 

  • The straight edges  
    These represent the things that are super important to you… and your straight edges will be unique to you. They’re the non-negotiable things – things like spending more time with loved ones, prioritising your health, indulging in your hobbies, or making personal growth a priority. When the straight edges link together they form the framework that holds your unique retirement vision in place.

  • Grouping colour combinations
    Here’s your chance to craft a one-of-a-kind vision that perfectly matches your desires and aspirations, your likes and dislikes, dreams, talents, and passions. These combinations reflect your individuality, and the things that deeply resonate with you—things you hold dear, and the things that float your boat and bring you joy. They encapsulate your true essence.

Before you start...

A few practical tips to get the ball rolling:

  • Start by letting your thoughts flow freely. Remember, you’re not starting from scratch here and you already know far more than you might think! There are plenty of puzzle pieces already floating around. They might just need turning over so their potential can be seen.
  • Explore connections and relationships between different aspects of your retirement vision. Mind-mapping your ideas is a great way to do this.
  • Trust your gut feelings and tap into your inner wisdom. Consider seeking counsel from your ‘wise woman self,’ that intuitive part within you.
  • Don’t force it – let it evolve.  Allow room for adjustments and iterations as you gain clarity and insights along the way.
  • Still feeling a bit overwhelmed? No worries! My Are You Retirement Ready? checklist is here to get the ball rolling and give your retirement vision a jumpstart. 
jigsaw last piece

Remember, crafting your retirement vision is a deeply personal endeavour. It’s about acknowledging your values, passions, and dreams, and weaving them together to create a vivid and meaningful future.

‘The picture on the box’ is a representation of your unique pieces. You can’t force-fit someone else’s pieces into your puzzle; it’s crafted solely from the pieces that belong to you.

Just as a jigsaw puzzle can take time, patience and persistence – combined with a degree of frustration at times – finding your ‘picture on the box’ is a gradual process but once you have a clear vision, decision-making becomes a whole lot easier.

So, if you’re envisioning the satisfaction of clicking the final piece of your retirement puzzle into place, let that anticipation fuel your journey. Embrace your vision, stay true to your aspirations, and step forward into the retirement of your creation.

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Is Your Retirement Glass Half Full or Half Empty?

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Is Your Retirement Glass Half Full or Half Empty?

As someone old enough to remember Monty Python’s ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,’ it was inevitable that the tune would start playing in my head as I embarked on this blog (and chances are, it’s now stuck in your head too!). Then again, I’ve always been one of life’s optimists. Much like Winston Churchill, I firmly believe that there’s little point in being anything else!

I’ve always seen a positive mental attitude as an invaluable asset, and this belief holds especially true as we approach retirement. 

Because let’s face it – retirement isn’t all sunshine and laughter. Indeed for many, it’s quite the opposite.

When you think about your life in retirement, do you expect it to be a time of expansion or contraction? Are you anticipating a time of new opportunities or limited options?

In other words, are you leaning towards an optimistic or pessimistic view of your retirement… a positive or negative view of this next chapter?

With numerous studies highlighting a strong link between higher levels of optimism and healthy ageing, these questions become all the more crucial to consider.

Your Mindset Matters!

Having a positive mental attitude is not some Pollyanna concept. It’s not about ignoring challenges or denying the existence of difficulties. Instead, a PMA involves acknowledging obstacles and setbacks while actively seeking constructive solutions and maintaining a hopeful perspective.

It’s about resilience, adaptability, and a proactive approach to life’s ups and downs, recognising that a positive mindset can be a powerful tool for navigating through adversity.

Our mindset has a direct effect on our entire retirement experience.

When we come from a place of optimism, we’re more likely to see retirement as a time for self-discovery and growth. On the other hand, if we come from a negative perspective and focus on limitations and losses, it’s so much harder to appreciate the opportunities or potential this chapter has to offer.

So, let’s circle back to our starting point: Is your retirement glass half full or half empty?

Considering the enormous impact that mindset and attitude can have on our retirement journey, this question carries substantial weight.

Now, if you’ve already firmly embraced the glass-half-full perspective, you’re off to a great start! However, I’d like to offer some guidance to those of you who find yourselves in the glass-half-empty camp.

Firstly, I want to stress that this isn’t about superficial ‘positive thinking’; it’s about finding a perspective that will genuinely serve you better.

So with that in mind, here are some practical tips to help you get started.

  • Acknowledge Your Feelings: Retirement often starts with some less-than-rosy emotions but suppressing or denying them can often be counterproductive.  It’s perfectly okay to have moments, or even extended periods when optimism feels like a step too far! Allow yourself to experience and express what you’re truly feeling. Recognise and accept your feelings, whatever they may be.
  • Seek Support: You don’t have to navigate your retirement journey alone. Reach out to friends, family, or professionals who can provide a safe space for you to share your thoughts and emotions. Talking about your feelings with someone you trust can be incredibly therapeutic and help you find a more empowering perspective.
  • Take Small Steps: You don’t have to make a giant leap from pessimism to boundless optimism overnight! Break down your retirement aspirations into achievable, smaller goals so that each mini-milestone can boost your confidence and slowly shift your perspective.
  • Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a friend.  Understand that it’s okay to have moments of pessimism or doubt. Be patient with yourself as you work through these feelings.
  • Dig Deeper: Take time to explore the root causes of your negative feelings –  underlying issues, unresolved concerns, fears about the future, or other factors that are affecting your optimism. Identifying these triggers can be the first step towards addressing them.
  • Focus on Self-Care: Taking care of your physical and mental well-being is crucial. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep can have a significant impact on your mood. Meditation and mindfulness practices can also help manage negative emotions.
  • Limit Negative Influences: Pay attention to the sources of negativity in your life. This might include news, social media, or even certain people who consistently bring you down. Consider reducing your exposure to these influences and surround yourself with more positive and uplifting content and individuals.
  • Find Meaning and Purpose: Discovering a sense of purpose can be a powerful antidote to pessimism. Engaging in activities that align with your values and passions can bring fulfilment and a renewed sense of optimism. This could involve volunteering, pursuing a new hobby, or exploring creative outlets.
  • Practice Gratitude: While it may seem challenging, cultivating a sense of gratitude can gradually shift your perspective. Each day, make an effort to identify even small things you’re grateful for. Over time, this practice can help you see the positive aspects of life more clearly.
  • Maintain Social Connections: Loneliness is the enemy of optimism, so prioritise spending time with friends and loved ones, whether in person or virtually. Navigating retirement is far more enjoyable, engaging, and expansive when you share your journey and connect with others – especially those who are on a similar path.
  • Seek Professional Guidance: While some retirees possess the self-motivation and optimism to propel their retirement projects forward, you may lack the emotional energy or capacity to be your own cheerleader. That’s why working with a supportive retirement coach can be genuinely transformative.

Remember, the journey towards positivity and optimism is totally unique and personal, and it’s okay to take it at your own pace. Small, consistent steps can lead to meaningful changes over time. Remember, optimism doesn’t mean ignoring or denying life’s challenges; it’s about approaching them with a constructive and hopeful mindset. The key is to be gentle with yourself and take one step at a time towards a more positive outlook on the future.

Nurture your inner optimism, and let it lead you towards a retirement filled with purpose, joy, and authenticity.

Free resources: Click HERE to get your instant downloads.

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